Breaking up is the last way we want our relationships to end—but unfortunately it’s how all of them will end until we finally find the right one.In your dating lifespan, breakups are inevitable. Not everyone you meet can be the one person you end up with.Maybe you’ve gone on a few dates after meeting via online dating. Perhaps it’s been a few months of dates. Regardless of the timeline, deciding it’s time to end things is never easy.

How do you determine what’s a red flag versus an opportunity for growth? Here are some questions to as yourself about your relationship.

1. Do your struggles bring you closer to God, or further?

Trials in a relationship aren’t a sign that you’re in a bad relationship. In fact, you need trials in order to grow stronger as Christians and as a couple.But an easy way to tell if the challenges are providing you with an opportunity to stretch or break is to determine the two sides of a conflict.

If a partner has lost his job and now seems entirely unmotivated, the opportunity is there to find a solution together. But if the approach to problems like this usually finds you pitted against one another, making accusations and using a lot of arguments that start with “You,” that’s a problem.It’s the united front against trials that bring you closer as a couple and closer to the Lord. If you’re fighting with the essence of the other person, (especially if you’re fighting often!) then you may not be bringing out the best in the other person.

2. Can I bring them around my family and friends?

A big red flag that’s unavoidable is the issue of isolation. Many relationships are fooled into a false sense of success using the defense, “It’s different when it’s just the two of us.”

Obviously you’re not going to behave around family and friends the same way you behave when you’re alone. Alone is more personal, intimate, and vulnerable.However, if you’re constantly making excuses for your partner’s behavior around friends and family, you may have a problem.

It’s not necessarily vital that two people have the same friends in order to be together. But shouldn’t your friends and family who love you have at least one thing in common with another person who also loves you?Avoiding family and friends altogether? That’s definitely a sign your relationship isn’t healthy.

3. Why am I considering a breakup?

If you’re reading this article, you’re looking for answers. But the most basic question to answer is why are you asking the question at all?

When we feel healthy and strong, we’re not wondering when the next time we should see a doctor is. It’s not until we start showing signs of sickness that we decide to set up an appointment.If you’re questioning the validity or future of your relationship, more than likely something has struck a chord with you recently, and not a good one.

It could be that you’re actually ready to move forward together and that can be a little daunting, so it triggers a fight or flight. If that’s the case, your thoughts are probably more along the lines of “what will I miss out on?”

But more likely, if you’re contemplating the end of your relationship, it’s because something isn’t right. Pray about your next step. In his letter to the Corinthians, Saint Paul tells us that God will provide trials and solutions.